As a normal human being, for the past week, I was full of misery and mistakes. For example I lost patience, I let my blood pressure rise due to my uncontrolled self and many others. I felt so guilty and said to myself, "Lord, I will make improvement, just please give me your mercy and let me feel your love." God's love and mercy was the only comfort I  needed to get through the rough past weeks. For weeks, this impatience and vices has been driving me away from the Lord and I finally realized, I need to change that, and before Lent. So I decided on Sunday, I need to confess, and I will do so in my favorite shrine, The National Shrine of Mother Perpetual Help, Baclaran (Baclaran Shrine). What I excepted was going to be simple and normal, turned extraordinary. 

    We arrived at the  Baclaran Shrine early this morning, it was a normal bright shinning day. We walked right in at the beginning of Mass and I stood to the side (take note, it was Wednesday, and it is Mother Perpetual Help day and the devotees are always filling in the whole church). I looked around and I saw the confessionals open and the priest I usually confess (Fr.Vincent) to was there, so I went over and fell in line. The heavy feeling and guilt of the mistakes over filled me and I, feeling so remorse wanted to leave ashamed, but I prayed to St.Michael that the evil would not invade me and help me to get the courage to go inside.

  Quickly, the line faded and I entered the air conditioned confessional. As I knelt,Fr. Vincent was listening to other side and I had sometime to breathe and relax. Then the  screen went open and it was my turn...(sure,like I'll say what I said haha). When the absolution came in, the feeling of guilt and anxiety, left and I recieved this pain on my right side on the ribs. I didn't mind the pain, however it was quite bothersome, but I felt so clean and pure once more. As I did my penance, I looked up and it was already time for consecration. The joy, filled me again, when I knew He was comming. I knelt down and as the priest lifted the consecrated host, the pain in my right side came again and I realized fully what it meant.

  What did that pain in my right side mean? It had one meaning, it means when Jesus died for us, that blood and water which poured fourth came from his right side, as a sign that He gave us all and with that blood and water, we are cleansed from sin and the most important, it because of this pain that Christ experienced, that I became closer to Him, because I felt His pain and I know His pain. With the absoultion which cleaned me, it was the blood and water which poured fourth from the heart of Jesus and cleansed me. I was closer to Him, now that admitted my mistakes and now that we are "reconciled". The joy of realizing this, showed me and made me prepare for a joyful Lent.

     I'm not finished. Communion came, and I recieved Him into my heart now, and made us into one again. I was overfilled with so much joy, I was so amazed at this joy now knowing God loves me and all He wants is to be with me until we are fully after this life. I was literally overfilling with so much joy and all the sorrow I had and the tears for them were wiped away and I felt that Jesus was embracing me fully now. What simple petiton I asked to the Lord, He made an abundance of joy.

  To make my morning even better, as I stood in prayer, my favorite hymn was being played (Awit ng Paghahangad) and this made me not the happiest, but the most joyful. The graces I finally see and the love, that I was thirsting for, came and I was finally content and I could finally move on. As I left, I knew I was entering the world of sin again, but I said to Lord," there's not a moment where you and I could overpass." My heart was finally a haven of peace. 

  Why does Mother Mary of Perpetual Help play an important role? It was because of Her shirne, that it lead me back to Christ, and of her extending arm, give me again the full joy and love of Christ, this Mary's role. What many Evangelicals call worship, what I and many call, a guide. It this through this guide, we are lead to Her glorious Son, Jesus.  It was Her shrine that made me go back fully to God, it was Her priest, that cleansed from from all my sins and it was Her Son and His Father, that gave me again the joy and help. I may not be perfect, but I know, in God whose eyes, I am just right.I am telling you my experience, not to merely show off, but rather to encourage you to open yourself back to God and to experience what I experienced. Use the Blessed Mary ever Virgin, as your instrument to Him.     

I came in broken, I came out clean as a whsitle. What many people would call crazy, I would call divine.

As I read Divine Mercy, fee weeks ago, the message came back to me....Bring fourth the message of Mercy to all. 

God is waiting for you. Never fear, for God still does love you.

Finding myself

Well, to begin things,        When I arrived in Manila, I had two choices, Guadalupe Seminary High School or Aquinas School. I thought it was a bit early and it could wait, so I went ahead with Aquinas. Not realizing, what I was going to place myself into. I went ahead and became an Aquinan. Well, it was a rough couple months, thinking, what did I get myself into. Yes, God had put me under the test and it was a cross that was literally crushing me to the ground. I sought no refuge but myself. One thing I had already forgotten, to ask God for help. The funny thing and the actual truth is, when I approached God, in the sacrament of reconciliation and the Eucharist, I felt more at ease, even though things were already getting rougher and harder. I only felt peace from God, and God gave the teachers the same grace, so that I may continue to work peacefully and quietly. During these couple weeks, I was given time, not only to adjust, but to find myself. Several things I found out,    
1)Everyone is meant to love, but for some, not meant to be loved. 
meaning, no matter how much you fall in love with a person, if you're not destined to marry or be in a relationship, the only thing holding you back is, you'll never be loved back by the person who loves you. The only way of finding this out....it's going to be hard and it's going to hurt.Just as it hurt me....    
2)The more we intimidate Jesus, the more simple souled we become. 
meaning, if we LET Jesus into our lives, and become like him, little by little, our heart and importantly our soul, is finally becoming simple, just as Jesus was.     
3)The only way we can achieve peace, is by achieving reconciliation with God. 
Every time, I look back, I see a boy, whose lost and lonely. Doesn't know where to go, who he is, or what he is. I saw me. My heart was broken, I see in my future, nothing, and the only thing I can see, myself and nobody else. UNTIL, the very day I went to confession, and begged for God's mercy and forgiveness and received Him fully into the Eucharist, is when I finally established peace, not only in myself, but with everyone else. Jesus is love and peace! Without Him, we can only see hate and pure evil.     
4) Still, that very voice said, "I want you to be mine, not just for a short time, but forever. I want you, to represent me, I want you to be a role model, and importantly I want you to bring my people back into the faith." 
I hear those words not in a vision, but in my heart. A voice, very powerful, yet so clear and gentle. Telling me go ahead and become a priest. I choose not to marry, because, all my life, God has kept me in arms, and protected me. Least I can do for Him, is to say yes and dedicate my whole life to Him! Some say, you can be married and devoted to God, but who are they to tell me I can or cannot? Single doesn't meaning being miserable. It just means, God wants you to himself, whether religious or lay.    
5)When we suffer, we are only being purified.  
When we suffer for our sins, or for the sins of other, we purify.God wants us, to be holy and clean. However, we must endure the wounds of Christ, which purified and saved us all. Whether by carrying our cross, or by enduring pain and agony. If this happens, let it be and say to God, "I accept this, please make me pure and holy." Our modern society is facing much evil, us religious, we must offer ourselves, the pain and suffering for the salvation of souls. Up to death.    
Today, I went to confession, to make amends and start again. Tomorrow, I wear my crucifix around my neck, saying, I'm dedicated to God.    Today, I felt at peace. Tomorrow, I'm going to accept my cross, but with joy.